I'll start off by letting everyone know that my radio show starts on Tuesday from 6pm-7pm my time on this website. It's kinda a weird site I don't really know how it works so we'll see how it goes. But I'm excited to start radio again. It's something fun to do. I also got into the acapella group here, although I don't think it was all that hard, seems like most people who audition get in. I guess that is kinda exciting. I thought about taking a break from acapella this semester, but I concluded that really I was taking a break from MY acapella group and all the grief it causes me. I like singing and performing just fine. Truly the inner workings of the M&Cs (my acapella group at mhc) sends shivers down my spine. However, I have heard that it is not as clicky as it was before...probably because my ex, who was the master of making it feel like there were seperate friend groups in it, is abroad. Holy moly they did crazy work to exclude people, although they'd never admit it. ANYWAYS I have high hopes for MHC acapella next year and medium hopes for acapella here. A way to make friends no doubt. It was pretty funny, I couldn't go to the first acapella practice because I had made plans to go to the movies with a friend at that time and she had bought me a ticket and I couldn't just bail! So I told acapella people I had a prior commitment and would have to start next week which they were like sure. Then, after the movie me and said friend went to grab a drink and discuss the movie and I totally saw one of the acapella members there and I can tell she recognized me, but we did not say anything. I mean this was right after acapella practice would have ended so it was fine on my part but still kinda funny.
I want to show everyone who doesn't follow me on Instagram my masterpiece I made which is me and Kate as Greg and Rowley from Diary of a Wimpy kid. I made this the other day because after watching this edit for the millionth time and being deeply moved, I felt that I should put my vision on the page. You guys don't even know how real and true this is.
Went to see the new movie Companion with somebody from mhc that I ran into the other day named Ella. I'm kinda at a standstill here in terms of branching out because I only seem to make friends with people I already knew, but whatevs. The movie was actually pretty bad. I think it was going for a horror Barbie thing but it was totally failing. It didn't commit to anything, which pisses me off in movies. COMMIT! It could've been scarier, more in your face, or more subtle, or campier, or less so. Ugh, made me mad. It's feminist message rings hollow because it doesn't follow any of the rules it lays out for itself and it was structured poorly. You know how people don't like the "you wouldn't leave your car door unlocked" as a sexual assualt analogy because it compares women to cars? For some weird reason this movie felt like if that analogy meant the opposite, but it's still weird to compare women to cars. I don't know if that makes any sense but it's there I swear. Dialogue was cheesy and bad. The movie really only knew what message it wanted to make and that Sophie Thatcher is cool. And it fialed on the message part. Sophie Thatcher is pretty cool though. It wanted to be girl boss, femcel, lana del ray, coquette and it faillledddd. It's a half-hearted movie. 1/5 wouldn't reccommend, it's not even scary and it could have been.
Enough with movie reviews! I have a horror story to tell you. The other day I was minding my own buisness in the silent section of the library, taking a break from doing my work by watching Jerma play Hatsune Miku Project Diva Mega39's (if you don't know what that is that's okay, it's a rhythm game), and some dude appraoches me and is pointing at the back of my computer. So I take off my headphones to see what he wants and he says to me "is this anime? That back of your computer is so beautiful" and I look at what he's pointing at and it's actually not anime it's a video game sticker, but I say yes anyways because I don't want to explain any further and I say thanks. Well he keeps going about the back of my laptop and then suddenly he's sitting down next to me and I'm thinking oh brother. oh no. please no no no no. Sigh. He asks me if I'm Irish (????) to which I reply no I'm from the states. Really confused on why he thought I was Irish because, as many of you know, I do not have an Irish accent. He's like wowwwwww and then is asking me all these questions about how long I've been here and if I like democracy and communism which is particularly jarring because I have no idea what he wants me to say and being asked if I've read Karl Marx was 100% not on my plan for the day and also probably my nightmare senerio is for a random person to ask me what I think of democracy and communism. The questions go on and on and on and we are talking for like 20 minutes I swear and I do NOT wanna be talking to this guy, I am actually horrified. It's the SILENT AREA OF THE LIBRARY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I feel like being in the silent section of the library is usually a pretty good indicator that someone does not want to be disturbed. At some point he asks me if I have read The Law of Attraction and then he is very surprised when I haven't because it was written by an American author....I say the U.S. is really big haha. He tells me my lip piercing is beautiful, yikes which means it's not doing it's job (as in hinting at my preference for women) and he asks if I have tattoos and I say no and he says good...doooooommmmmmm *bomb goes off* and he tells me I have a beautiful smile and that I smile so much. This conversation is also unfortunate because he has kind of a thick Indian accent and my adrenaline is so high and my mind is racing so I can't hear every other word he says so I have to keep saying "Sorry?" And it's really tragic and awkward.
Here is where I would like to critique my parents because I have some things to blame them for. I think as a child I would have really benefitted from the new hip parenting tips and tricks where they say you need to teach your kids to say no and how to turn people down and how to confront uncomfortable situations so you are not a doormat of a person. All I want is to not smile like a crazy person when having a horrible conversation with random boy in which I know his goal is to get my number or something and I know that I have no intention of ever seeing this man again and, in fact, I would love nothing more than to exit the whole conversation and continue what I was doing before. Alone. In peace. I believe my parents taught me to be way too nice and accomadating and thus, I have never gained the confrontation skill and am severly underdeveloped when it comes to difficult situations. smh. So really this is all my parents fault because this whole bajillion hour long conversation could have been stopped so early with a simple and polite "Sorry, I'm actually busy right now" Tragic. All this to say he keeps talking and gives me some more compliments and after a while he asks if I have instagram and because I can't think on my feet and I also really don't want him to ask me for my number if I say no, I tell him "yeahhhh I don't have instagram on my phone, but I can tell you my username" which prompts him to praise my tiny iphone. People always wanna talk about my tiny Iphone SE and I don't understand them. Please leave me and my tiny phone alone people, it's not even that strange! When he says maybe we could go on a walk sometime and talk again I awkwardly laugh and say maybe....I didn't tell him I'm gay because you never know how random boys will react to that kind of thing and I didn't want to deal with any sort of reaction at all. I also did not follow him back on instagram sorry dude. To top off all the worst nightmare aspects of this right before he leaves he says haha whats my name, which obviously I have forgotten his name so he tells me his name again and I repeat it back to him and it's horrible. Totally horrible.
All in all he was a nice guy I guess, I wish him well, but that was one of the worst conversations I've ever had and I cannot fathom his thought process in sitting down and talking to me for that long rather than just asking for my instagram. Like PLEASE just ask me for my instagram and we can get this over with. Surely he saw how uncomfortable I was the whole time???? Surely he noticed???? I was thinking about it and I've decided I am against randomly approaching people because you think they are attractive. I think it is my worst nightmare ever, even if a woman were to do it to me....okay maybe if she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen but actually even then I can not see a scenario where someone approaching me goes well. I HATE being appraoched, despise it. It is my greatest fear at parties and everywhere. I felt like I needed a shower and a nap after my experience with that guy. Really it's all my fault because that morning when I was getting dressed I thought to myself you know what why don't I dress a little feminine today! I'll mix it up :D wrong. Bad idea. Immediately back fired on me and I was instantly reminded why I enjoy dressing like a total homo. Whatever, I hope you enjoyed my recounting that horrible event.
Me in the library right after that guy left.
In better news, on Wednesday I went to my second cemetery on the Seven Magnificent list. Nunhead Cemetery, according to google is probably the least famous of the London cemeteries. I though it was great! It must've been bigger than the last one, it felt bigger, and more secluded like I was really in the woods. It had rained recently and the trail was extremely muddy, I wore the wrong jeans; the bottom of them were caked by the end of my walk. In Nunhead there are large swathes of forest inbetween the main paths that are totally nontraversable, but I coould see headstones through the trees, covered in vine and bushes. I wondered how long it had been since anyone had ever touched one of those graves, even been within five feet of it. There were little trails in certain places that led into these shrouded areas. They were obviously made by visitors and not upkept, which then made me wonder if there was any rhyme or reason to them. Were people just wishing to explore more or were there specfic graves which people wanted to visit? Old family graves. There was a sign in one area that said that the graves were unstable so one should stick to the path and if you wished to see a certain grave off the path you could contact them. How long has it been since someone has had a request to visit a specific forgotten grave? Parts of the cemetery were very new, people buried just last year. The new graves with the old was strange. There is something very real and confronting about the shiny new black stone with crisp engravings and something very removed about the old weathered stone with dates that seem unreal. How long is it before graves are no longer visited? How many generations will it take for my own to be forgotten? Questions questions.
The building in the entry of Nunhead Cemetery. It once had a roof but it was burned down in the 70s. Vandalism!
Sticker I took off a pole when I was walking to the cemetery. Let Women Speak is a transphobic and Islamophobic organization, seriosuly just the worst kind of thing parading around as being "feminist" and "for women" pshhh yeah right. TERFs disgust me. So I took it down, doing the community a favor with that one.
Sticker above the LWS one. Awesome lebian reading group to combat evil LWS (don't worry I checked and this lesbian reading group is def not terfy).
snowdrops
I touched one of the old graves and thought about how strange it is that I am allowed to touch these small personal monuments created 100s of years ago. Cememteries are a special thing because they have to be open for mourning and thus, they become exhibits that belong to the people. I like it. It's offers an oppurtunity of human connection beyond the seperation of life and death. In touching the headstone I am interacting with someone long dead's life. It is so insanely personal. Everytime I visit a cemetery I find another reason why I like them so much. There were snowdrops growing around some of the graves which made me so excited for spring. Flowers and cemeteries go together like bread and butter. I'll be sure to revisit all of them come late March and April.
Overgrown.
Some of the path was paved with old trampled headstones. The dead lie beneath our feet. Unlucky souls had their graves totally plowed through.
cool.
Sweet doc martens I found on the side of the road on my walk back to the tube and they were in my size! They're totally dead like the heel is almost rubbed all the way through but I've worn them anyways. They still function as shoes!
This ended up being a bit of a long entry so I won't say much else. I'm trying to go to bed earlier so I think I'm gonna hit the hay in a second. I will write again soon I have much to say about the nature of classes and such. See ya.